By in Mindfulness

How To Set Realistic, Well-Formed Goals

Goal Setting is essential for business people, athletes and most of us when we are striving for something, whether it be weight loss, a PHD, making a change in our life or running a marathon.

The quality of the very process of goal setting is key in order to make sure we can actually achieve the goal comfortably and without any negative side effects.

Here are a few useful questions you should ask yourself when forming and setting you personal goals:

What do you want? (Rather than “What do you want to avoid?”)

Sometimes, when we try to verbalise our goals we might say something like “I want to stop smoking”, “I want less stress” or “I want to not eat so many sweets.” However, when we set a goal that we want to feel excited about, so we maintain the drive to meet it, it is much more helpful to state the goal in a positive way. What do you want? Or what do you want instead of what you don’t want? What will reaching your goal change for you in your life? It can be easy to know what we want less off or what we feel we should deny ourselves. How much more fun and enjoyable is a goal that actually gives us something? So if you want to lose weight, think about what that will give you, and then phrase your goal so it includes what you want from losing weight.

How will you know that you are succeeding in achieving your goal?

It is important to visualise what success looks and feels like, not only so you can motivate yourself, but also to identify and know when you are on track, when you are not and when you have reached your goal. It may be that you have set very measurable targets. For example, you may know that when your scales show you that you have lost a stone, you know you have reached your goal. Not all goals are easily measured. How will you measure your goal? Regardless of how externally measurable your goal is, how will it feel to be on the way to reaching your goal? How will it feel to have reached your goal? These questions ensure that you are actually engaging physically and personally on a somatic level with the changes you are seeking. Embody your goals and the process!

What is the context and environment in which you are seeking to achieve this goal?

There are good and less appropriate times in which to achieve your goal. Sometimes, for example, when we are travelling a lot for work it may not be the best time to lose weight. Or maybe starting a masters degree right after giving birth to your 2nd child is not the best time either. Consider what is going on around you and what your life will be like while you are working on achieving your goal. Does it still feel achievable or perhaps you need to adjust your goal setting in some way to reflect what is going on in your life? Perhaps, giving yourself a little more time would help you to lose weight, even though there are a lot of parties with birthday cakes ahead?

Will you reaching your goal affect others negatively?

We can be all focused on ourselves, however, we should consider also how our achievement will affect our family, friends or colleagues. If you decide to go vegan, how will that affect your family? What might you have to put in place? Or how might you want to prepare them, so that they can support you?

What do you need to achieve your goal?

This is perhaps one of the most important points to consider. There is a reason, why you have not achieved your goal yet. What do you need to make this possible? Time? Support from your partner? Money? Motivation? How can you put the resources you need in place so you can achieve your goal? Beyond that, you may want to ask yourself what has stopped you thus far to achieve your goal? If you have tried before and not succeeded, chances are that there is something about the counterproductive behaviour, that you get something out of. We do not sabotage our goals simply because we are weak or incapable. You will be getting something out of not achieving your goal. This is the moment to be very honest with yourself and search a little deeper. If you struggle to cut down on coffee, may this be because you need the extra energy for your busy lifestyle? If you are unable to lose weight, is there comfort you are getting from eating more that you are not getting elsewhere in your life? If you can identify what it is that you gain from not achieving your goal, it will give you the opportunity to look into where else you may be able to get this, so that you can move on and achieve your goal without such struggle.

If you would like some support with defining and reaching your personal goal, please contact Kristin at The Body Matters on 01702 714968.

Kristin Loeer
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