{"id":756,"date":"2017-09-22T14:42:02","date_gmt":"2017-09-22T13:42:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thebodymatters.co.uk\/blog\/?p=756"},"modified":"2022-02-28T11:08:27","modified_gmt":"2022-02-28T11:08:27","slug":"surviving-bereavement-losses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thebodymatters.co.uk\/blog\/2017\/09\/surviving-bereavement-losses\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving bereavement and other losses"},"content":{"rendered":"

Grief following bereavement<\/a> is something that humans have always experienced \u2013 as demonstrated by quotes of philosophers of the ancient world. Yet for the individual experiencing grief, this knowledge does not make the experiencing any easier.<\/p>\n

In fact, it may be that, in modern times \u2013 with families spread further apart geographically and with many people not looking to religious texts or institutions for support, grief is often harder to bear. Sometimes, people fail to grieve, for one reason or another – and this can make life more difficult later on. Factors that make this more likely include the particular circumstances surrounding a death, the previous losses that a person has experienced, the way their personality works, their support networks and so on.<\/p>\n

Typically, bereaved people go through four stages of grief \u2013 Denial, Anger, Depression & Acceptance. Working through these stages is sometimes called \u2018grief-work\u2019 and often happens perfectly naturally. However, grief can be exceedingly difficult to deal with and people can become \u2018stuck\u2019 in the process. For example, the Denial stage is made more difficult if the death in question is sudden and so there is little time to mentally prepare for it. The Anger stage may be more difficult to pass through, if an effort has been made for some reason to repress this anger. Working through Depression<\/a> here, involves the bereaved person adjusting to their changed situation \u2013 which involves the person\u2019s mental\/emotional state as well as how they interact with the world. There\u2019s certainly no reason to suppose that doing this should be easy! When Acceptance of their loss has been achieved, a person can, more easily, move forward with their life, knowing that they have mentally \u2018re-located\u2019 the deceased in a way that allows them a continuing bond with that person. In fact, an indicator that grief has been worked through is that a person can think about their loved one without pain.<\/p>\n

In New York in 2001, Queen Elizabeth II said that \u201cGrief is the price we pay for love\u201d, and there is no doubt that strong feelings of love can make the pain of loss particularly intense.<\/p>\n

BrainWorking Recursive Therapy (BWRT\u00ae)<\/a> is a recently-developed therapy that is highly effective for dealing with grief in all its forms. So why choose BWRT\u00ae rather than the more familiar approaches such as Counselling<\/a>? Some clients prefer BWRT\u00ae because it doesn\u2019t require them to reveal private information and personal secrets \u2013 it only requires the client to know how they\u2019d like to feel. Others opt for BWRT\u00ae because they\u2019ve seen the change in friends who have benefitted from it astonishingly rapidly. It\u2019s also completely logical, practical and down-to-earth.<\/p>\n

In addition to the standard techniques used by BWRT\u00ae practitioners, there is a technique called the \u2018Loving goodbye\u2019 technique specifically for bereavement, which can help a client to move to where they\u2019d like to be. In other words, the bereaved person, when they think about their loss, can be helped to feel just the way they would like to feel \u2013 just the way that is best for them. This doesn\u2019t mean that the loved-one is to be forgotten \u2013 on the contrary, it is easier for the deceased to be thought about \u2013 clients often report that the possession of photographs and other mementoes can now be enjoyed and anniversaries are no longer times of distress. In this sense BWRT\u00ae techniques are absolutely person-centred \u2013 and merely require, as with other BWRT\u00ae techniques, that the client knows how they\u2019d like to feel.<\/p>\n

BWRT\u00ae can certainly help individuals to have fuller and more meaningful lives. But how soon should help be sought in the case of bereavement? And is it wrong to want to want to come to an acceptance of a loved-one\u2019s death \u2013 wouldn\u2019t some level of continued pain be a way of remembering the deceased? Because humans are so fantastically complex, it is impossible to say how long grieving should take. In fact, many therapists would discourage clients from thinking about their thoughts, feelings and behaviour in terms of \u2018shoulds\u2019 and \u2018musts\u2019. However, if you are bereaved, I am happy to offer you a free 50-minute consultation to discuss your loss and to explore with you whether therapy might be of use to you.
\nIt might just be the perfect time to get help!<\/p>\n

As the Greek philosopher Xenophon said \u201cExcess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not\u201d, whilst the Roman Cicero said \u201cIt is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness\u201d.<\/p>\n

And finally, it has to be remembered that as well as bereavement, we face other losses over the course of our lives \u2013 such as the loss of youth, health, jobs and status (through retirement or redundancy) and financial success. In addition, there\u2019s the possibility of divorce and the ending of relationships which can lead to grief. Of course many of the events listed above are ones that we cannot avoid. Yet although change cannot always be avoided, we can often change the way we feel about such changes to a way that makes it easier for us to live a full and meaningful life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grief following bereavement is something that humans have always experienced, this knowledge does not make the experiencing any easier.<\/p>\n

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