By in Meditation, Mindfulness, Other Therapies

Are You Here?

In the therapeutic world, there is a lot of talk about “being present” and that it is something to strive for. There is the obvious explanation of “life happens now, not in the past or in the future.” so it seems obvious that being present, rather than being stuck in the past or worrying about the future is a good thing. 

We also like to think of being present as the opposite of being in our head or being dissociated, such as when watching mindless tv. I have actually always been sceptical about labelling “not being fully present and conscious in the body” as a bad thing. It is natural to sometimes drift off in some way and it can be a really important coping strategy too. As long as we don’t get stuck there and still have times of presence and body connection where we can process our experiences that’s all fine for me. 

However, in trauma therapy being present becomes particularly important because trauma has this odd quality of keeping us stuck in some past event. When we experience something that is traumatising it literally means that we are unable to process the experience at the time when it happens, hence part of us gets stuck in this past event and our nervous system continues to behave as though we are still in this experience. Orienting to the present and working with the nervous system with an emphasis on the here and now is really important. 

Of course, I have been practising being present in my body for years now and I believe that I am pretty comfortable with being present and in my body most of the time. The subsequent increase in my emotional resilience has been sneaky and gradual over time.

Every so often I catch myself and realise that things that would have overwhelmed me in the past simply do not bother me anymore. I used to experience health anxiety, separation anxiety and panic attacks. Nowadays I have none of those things and I admit that I take it for granted sometimes because it has become normal to be mostly okay and able to deal with stuff. 

Unfortunately, my emotional resilience got tested recently. I received some really bad news regarding a most loved family member. When I heard of this, I remember being very aware of my physical reactions. My feet gripped the floor and I felt that my toes wanted to move and try to grip the floor more. I allowed them to do so and it helped me remain stable. I felt my hand touch my chest, calming my heart. And so I was present and able to support myself as I took in this potentially life-changing news. I felt fear and shock and all sorts of emotions and my skin hardened and my breath stopped. But those small interventions of self-contact and my feet on the ground really helped me feel that I could hold the intensity of emotion relatively easily. 

As the days went on, and I was coping pretty well, I began to wonder “Am I really ok or am I dissociating or numb?” I became unsettled about the fact that I was doing okay because a part of me believed that I shouldn’t be. But I realised that I was not numb. I was simply orienting to all the small things that helped me be with the feelings and thoughts. I connected with other people and took time to connect to the ground. I sat in the sun and did what I could to give my family a sense of normality and support, which gave me a sense of purpose and felt helpful to me. 

But the key thing I realised that was helping me in this situation, was that I remained in the present moment. I saw some family members derail into the scary ideas of what this news might mean for the near future. I saw them get lost in their catastrophizing imagination about what might happen next. 

I realised I was not doing that much. Sometimes of course I got a slight sense of what probably needs to happen next and I found these thoughts somewhat helpful in terms of orienting towards the next steps but they also had a horrible and seductive side to them, where I started visualising the most horrendous possible outcome. 

Most of the time however I realised I was just with the present, where actually nothing was really wrong yet, apart from knowing that things will change and become difficult in the future. Right now, the sun was shining, we were together and no one was in any real danger right now. Not many details were known yet as to what this news really meant or what needs to happen next. It felt so helpful to have this time to only have to process this news up to a point and know there will also be time to process the next bit of information when it comes. This way we can move through it a step at a time and we are far less likely to become overwhelmed.

I know it is likely that more challenging times will be ahead but I also know that nothing is certain. And one bit at a time everything will be more manageable. Right now there is only the present moment and I am simply amazed at how helpful it is to only have to deal with the facts of now, rather than all the bad things that are possible in the future. Speaking as someone who used to fear the world would end every time someone somewhere got sick I realise that staying with the present moment and being embodied in the present is incredibly valuable and I am just amazed that it is not even something I have to do. I just am here, as simply and obviously as that. All I need to do is to listen to my body and follow my instinct. 

I sit back and look around me and what else is going on in the world while my family and I are dealing with our own tragedy and I remember that each one of us is dealing with our own problems as much as we are looking at a collectively difficult time ahead this winter. 

We can prepare for the future to a degree but we can not know what will happen. I find myself wondering how much anxiety we may be experiencing about things that are in the past or that have not happened yet. 

A simple tool to bring you out of your worries about the past or future into the present moment is “Orienting”. Wherever you are right now, take 2 minutes to just look up and around you. Watch the clouds go by, the trees moving in the wind, and listen to the birds and the breeze. Take some time here with nothing else needing doing.

How did this simple exercise feel?

Somatic Experiencing is a body-oriented approach to resolving trauma and growing emotional resilience. If you would like help in this area simply contact Kristin at The Body Matters on 01702 714968.

Kristin Loeer
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